Monday, February 15, 2010

Epochs

Epoch - a point in time beginning a new or distinctive period

From whom do I receive my life? God. From whom do I receive my life's direction? God.

God's will is often difficult to see and sometimes even more difficult to understand, but regardless, we search it out. He gave me life and He owns me. So to most properly live my life, I must keep my eyes fixed on God so I will be able to receive and discern from Him what He has for me. This process of trying to discern His will has been going on my life for a long time, and will continue until I die, but it certainly has been getting easier. My hope and prayer is that as my relationship with Him increases in depth and significance, His direct revelation relating to my life, family, and place in this world will become more frequent and clear. But looking at my life thus far, I can discern three specific moments where God told me what my purpose was for that time in my life. These three epochs significanly affected my life, and every decision I made during the time period following each was made in the light of that new understanding. Now it is worth pointing out that these epochs have never been contrary to each other, but rather progressive steps toward a greater plan which God has not yet revealed to me. So as I said before, there have been three turning point in my life where God clearly revealed something to me pertaining to my life that I did not know or realize before. The first came to me in High School.

"Ryan, go to PBU."

In 2003, God clearly revealed to me that I was to attend Philadelphia Biblical University following High School. He did not speak the words to me, but I knew clearly in my heart that it was His will for me. Going to PBU gave me opportunity to be in Pennsylvania where I reconnected with Hannah Joy.

"Ryan, you will marry Hannah."

Late one night after spending the evening with Hannah, I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. God spoke these words to me, "Ryan, you will marry Hannah." I questioned Him at first, but knew that it was Him speaking... and how can you really argue with God??? Once that was revealed to me, Hannah and I officially got together and then were officially engaged and then married less than a year later. Once married, school was at least temporarily out of the question in terms of finances and also emotionally, Hannah's father having just recently passed away. But we moved forward in the truth that we knew, which was that we were supposed to be married. Every decision was made in light of that truth. The next revelation came while Hannah was pregnant with our first child.

"Your ministry is your family."

These, once again, were not clear words from God, but regardless He spoke them clearly in our hearts. Outward ministry had always been a big part of my life but God was saying that my number one ministry was inward, to my own family. In light of that truth, we made a number of decisions, including changing churches. We needed to be at a church where others would be able to accept that truth and not pressure us into living and serving in ways that took away from what we knew to be our primary call. And this step was not a new direction for us, it was just another step in our purpose, on top of being married.

We are still living in light of that truth, that our ministry is our family, and are trying in everything we do to seek God's will in fulfilling that purpose. But until God gives us the next step in the process, we know that this is the single purpose He wants us to be fulfilling at this time in our lives. Whether it was changing churches so we would be free to minister to our own family, or me joining LBCCS to try and preserve freedom for my children, every decision we have made during this period of time is based off of what we know to be our purpose at this point in our lives.

In our zeal to accomplish these purposes, we have at times pursued ventures that were not in God's perfect will for us, but He has been gracious enough to close those doors before we got in too far. But regardless, I can see two instances during this time where I clearly made decisions myself without regarding God or what I knew to be His purpose for me: (1) Trying my hand at real estate investing and (2) signing up to go to online school and study communications. But once again, God closed those doors and I learned from those experiences.

Now the question is, when will He further clarify our purpose to us? When will He give us the next step? A large part of me feels like God will be making it clear to us soon, but I am willing to wait for His perfect time. It is always such a joy and comfort to know that He is sovereign and no stupid decisions I make will ever change that.

So I will continue to seek Him and His will, and I will continue to pursue what He makes clear to me is my primary purpose for each moment in my life. I am very excited to see what He has for us next :-).